Borikï¿½n Mountainbike

Sarria · Bicicletero Cronico Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 969

Esto es un grupo en facebook que habla de la reglas de conducta de un ciclista de calle europeo. Aunque muchas parescan graciosas hay gente se toma esto bien en serio.
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#/group.php?v=info&gid=2258201150

***** -THE OFFICIAL EURO CYCLIST CODE OF CONDUCT- *****

Created by Dom Guiver and Mike Flavell

1. Image and style shall be the primary concerns of the Euro Cyclist. When suffering, one must focus first on maintaining a cool, even composure and second on performance. Winning races is an added talent, and only counts if said Euro Cyclist wins with appropriate style.

2. Training shall be based solely on feel, while racing shall be guided by sensations and instinct: that is to say, ï¿½soul.ï¿½ The Euro Cyclist will never accept tried or tested scientific training methods.

3. The Euro Cyclist shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain black spandex bibs (shorts, regardless of colour are BANNED) or ANY team kit
containing non-prominent logos. Shorts will extend approximately 2/3rds of the way down the upper leg and will contain a compression band at the bottom (distinct in colour). In NO CONDITION shall they extend any further!

4. Legs shall be SHAVED year-round. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. Certain hair removal creams are endorsed only on a case-by-case basis. One shall never show up to a race (be it large or small) with ANY amount of stubble visible on oneï¿½s legs.

5. A prominent line where oneï¿½s kit ends and where oneï¿½s deep tan begins is essential to one's image. Artificial tanning is BANNED. The tan shall reflect the level of training commitment.

6. The socks of the Euro Cyclist shall extend to within two (2) cm. of the main bulge of the calf muscle, and shall never extend further than one (1) cm. past said primary calf muscle bulge. All socks SHALL BE WHITE in colour with prominent logo placement.

7. Cycling shoes shall contain at least 80% white!
The following exceptions apply:
i) Colour combinations such as world cup stripes or Olympic gold for which the title has been EARNED.
ii) Shoes which are custom-made for specific riders by companies endorsed by this group. These shoes shall be accessible to the particular cyclist only, and shall follow the preceding rules.

8. If white cycling shoes are not available where the Euro Cyclist resides, white booties (or ï¿½shoe coversï¿½) with prominent logos shall ALWAYS be worn. When booties are worn, socks shall protrude approximately seven (7) cm. above the ankle, and shall always protrude at a minimum one (1) cm. from any booties worn.

9. Oneï¿½s bike frame shall contain between two (2) and four (4) colours IN ADDITION TO WHITE. All colours are acceptable as long as they combine tastefully and elegantly. In addition, wheel selection must also match frame and fork.

10. One shall race only on Campagnolo Boras or Lightweights. Fulcrum Racing One, Corima Aero+ or Zipp (404 or 202) wheelsets are considered stylish enough to be used as training wheels ONLY. Irregardless, ceramic bearings shall be used at ALL TIMES on both training and race bikes.

11. ALL wheels shall be equipped with tubulars, regardless of oneï¿½s ability in gluing them.

12. Ridiculously stylish eyewear (see endorsed products list) is to be worn AT ALL TIMES without exception. Glasses are to be worn over helmet straps at all times.

13. Hair shall be kept neatly short, and matching helmet shall be worn (again with prominent logo placement). The helmet shall be predominantly white. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall a clashing helmet colour be worn with oneï¿½s euro kit. Helmets are not to be worn when venturing indoors AT ANY TIME. It is, however, acceptable to wear oneï¿½s helmet while outdoors on a patio (see rule 34).

14. In certain RARE cases, it shall be deemed acceptable to have long hair. In this event, hair shall be neatly slicked back in a severely euro style, and helmet SHALL NOT be worn. It is IMPERATIVE that rule 12 is followed in these special instances.

15. When riding, sans helmet (with short hair), a team issue cycling cap (white in colour), shall be worn. The bill shall remain in the downward position at all times. The cycling cap may be worn forwards or backwards to coincide with the specifics of oneï¿½s current hairstyle. During spring training, cycling toques shall be worn at all times in place of caps.

16. Kits must always be freshly washed, and one shall ALWAYS have applied a subtle quantity of eau de toilette (or ï¿½cologneï¿½). It is, AT ALL TIMES FORBIDDEN to ride in an unwashed kit. This is severely detrimental to oneï¿½s image.

17. Saddles shall be white in colour ONLY and shall be manufactured in Italy or France. Exceptions may be made in the following cases:
i) Saddles containing World Cup Stripes or Olympic Gold when it is EARNED
ii) Italian flag colour combo when rider is ITALIAN (born in Italy)

18. Handlebar tape is required to be cork as well as WHITE IN COLOUR. Bar tape shall be kept in pristine white condition. This state shall be achieved either through daily cleansing or through frequent replacement. These jobs must NEVER be performed by the cyclist as one must maintain oneï¿½s image.

19. All stems must be a minimum of 120mm long and of a rise no higher than -10 degrees. Stems shall be positioned no more than 0.5cm above the top of the headtube. ALL stems shall ALWAYS be oversized, made out of ALUMINUM, and airbrushed in kit/frame colours. In certain cases (Mario Cipollini) it is advised that one airbrush a buxom young woman onto the top of oneï¿½s stem.

20. The Euro Cyclist shall ALWAYS have liniment applied to his legs before appearing in public.

21. Facial hair shall be restricted to (at a maximum) a goatee, and even this is discouraged. Moustaches, beards, and any combination thereof are EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED in all instances. Stubble is, however, advisable in virtually ALL euro-situations. It is important to note that this DOES NOT apply to the legs.

22. Campagnolo shall be THE ONLY acceptable component and it is hereby deemed superior to ANY Shimano product in ALL circumstances and situations. The Euro Cyclist is expected to have nothing less than an ENTIRE campy grouppo. Crank substitutions are NOT permitted. There is, however, a case by case exception for SRAM Red.

23. One shall NEVER, under any circumstances, acknowledge the presence of a cyclist riding a bike costing less than 2000ï¿½ in ANY public place. This may be severely detrimental to oneï¿½s image. If such a situation cannot be helped, it is CRITICAL that the Euro Cyclist regard his ï¿½acquaintanceï¿½ with a patrician mixture of disdain and SEVERE condescension.

24. One shall NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, associate with triathletes. This cannot be overemphasized! It is FORBIDDEN to have any number inked onto oneï¿½s body before a race.

25. Any physical activity other than cycling is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON. This includes any form of running or swimming and their derivatives (this includes walking). The ONLY TWO other sports with a recognized degree of euro are: cross-country skiing and long track speed skating.

26. Mountain bike gloves are FORBIDDEN in all instances. Cycling gloves shall be slick, white (in accordance with kit), and have minimal padding. Padding will be beige or white in colour. Wearing NO GLOVES is entirely acceptable and encouraged. In the case of a Euro Cyclist wearing a leaderï¿½s jersey special gloves shall be made to match the colour of the jersey while simultaneously blending the colours of the team kit.

27. In a circumstance where any cyclist (or TRIATHLETE) ever displays aggression or disrespect towards a Euro Cyclist, he is required to ride up uncomfortably close to his foe and slap them in the face with his team issue gloves.

28. In the event a motorist disturbs oneï¿½s ride: one shall proceed to ride up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the boot of the car while doing oneï¿½s best to sound irritated in Italian. Wild arm and head gesticulations are strongly encouraged to help enhance the apparent rage. It is permitted to throw a bottle, if the perpetrator was a commissaire on a motorbike.

29. One shall NEVER rearrange oneï¿½s package while riding. Adjustments regarding seating/hanging comfort are to be done in private in order to preserve image.

30. ABSOLUTELY NO FORM of seatbag, frame pump, mud guard or mirror shall come within two (2) metres of oneï¿½s bike.

31. Gearing shall be restricted to a titanium Campy Record 11-23 cassette with a ABSOLUTE MINIMUM of 42-53 up front. One must never be seen pedaling at a cadence greater than 90 rpm in order not to detract from oneï¿½s calm/smooth factor, or ï¿½Suplesse.ï¿½ The use of 25-toothed cog is acceptable for severely mountainous training situations.

32. ALL BIKES shall feature personalized nameplates next to oneï¿½s home countryï¿½s flag, located on the top-tube within ten (10) cm. of the seat-tube ON THE DRIVE SIDE ONLY.

33. Pedals MUST be either Look or Time. No other pedals are to be considered. As always, ANY form of Shimano product is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.

34. Espresso is a NECESSITY and as such it must be consumed normale or ristretto on a patio (preferably in Italy) in full kit; All other coffee shall be brewed strong and taken BLACK. The only milk permitted may appear frothed on top (if at all). The euro cyclist shall, if possible, develop a fondness for the triple ristretto. For extra Euro, consider ordering inconvenient multiples (e.g. a triple or more). The irony of increasing the number of shots pulled while simultaneously decreasing the volume per shot will enhance the experience for all parties involved. Sugar is FROWNED UPON, and in all cases SWEETENERS ARE BANNED.

35. All podium shots (ï¿½picturesï¿½) shall be taken while wearing oneï¿½s team kit and appropriately matching casual euro shoes (such as Pumas). Socks shall remain within the guidelines above. One is expected to display an appropriate degree of bulge while receiving kisses/trophies. The bulge may vary according to the outlandishness/impracticality of the victory prize (e.g. livestock and/or enormous cheese wheels).

36. All pre- and post-race activity SHALL be conducted under a gazebo (this includes massages, interviews, seductions, and looking fantastic) leaving one in reasonable distance of the Euro-sun to top up oneï¿½s enviable tanlines and pose for photos.

37. Post-race, one shall be tied to one's mobile phone, receiving endless calls from:
i. Oneï¿½s attractive girlfriend, or
ii. Important ad executives concerning modeling contracts. This shall be done under the protection of the post race gazebo.

38. Team bikes will be built up so that they violate the UCI weight limit in order that weights might be attached to the frame to demonstrate its superiority and lightness.

39. Motivational music during training shall consist of late 90s trance or progressive house, hereby known as 'euro beats.' NO EXCEPTIONS.

40. Water Bottles shall be referred to solely as "Bidons" and shall have a volume NOT EXCEEDING 500ml. Bidons shall always match team/kit colours. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE in ANY CIRCUMSTANCE to leave oneï¿½s bidons on the bike for more than ten (10) minutes post-ride OR while transporting bikes via bike rack.

41. Naked black ALL CARBON water bottle cages (manufactured by ELITE CAGES) shall be used on ALL BIKES. Exceptions include:
i) Special edition 24k gold cages, acceptable in certain cases such as photo shoots, prologues or where colour coordination dictates (e.g. gold cage with Olympic gold/white team kit).

42. A gold pendant on a very long, thin chain bearing some form of religious icon is STRONGLY recommended for mountain races.

43. While soloing in for a victory, one shall ensure that oneï¿½s jersey is FULLY ZIPPED and ALIGNED so that all title sponsors are clearly visible. One shall then smile and flex oneï¿½s arms while pointing sky-wards. The projection of oneï¿½s fatigue is EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

44. When appearing in a photo spread for a sponsorï¿½s products, the Euro Cyclist has the option of appearing fully nude, in team kit, or in a full Brioni three-piece suit (nothing else). Smiling is PROHIBITED in these instances.

45. When appearing in documentaries, one must be seen walking around the hotel in oneï¿½s kit at all times. It is also recommended that one constantly be eating something in front of the cameras.

46. When asked "how are you?" while riding one must proceed with one of the following...
i. Complain about coming off a sickness
ii. Explain that one is peaking for bigger races later in the season
iii. Mention that this is a "recovery ride"
iv. Explain that one is at the tail end of oneï¿½s daily six (6) hour training ride

47. If one feels the urge to relieve oneself during a race, one shall gracefully meander to the back of the pack, seat oneself sideways on the saddle, and pee into the sunflowers. It is the DUTY of the Euro Cyclist to ensure that no camera crew catches the act, for it could be severely detrimental to oneï¿½s image. Under no circumstances shall one dismount from his bike in order to urinate.

48. When climbing anything with a gradient above twenty (20) percent OR lasting greater than four (4) kilometers, the Euro Cyclist shall fully unzip his jersey and let it flutter freely in the wind.

49. When dropping out of a race, one shall avoid the embarrassment of entering the official broomwagon and shall instead wait for the team vehicle. When asked the reason for dropping out, one shall cite mechanical problems or oncoming sickness in order to avoid any negative speculation in regards to oneï¿½s fitness.

50. If in doubt, the euro cyclist shall mention in an interview that his pollen allergies are acting up, and that heï¿½s not sure that heï¿½ll win the Giro this year. In this situation he must note that the sensations are otherwise good, and that he will eventually win a beautiful stage.

51. Team-building motivational camps shall be held annually in the off-season. These are to place team members in as ridiculous a setting as possible. Photos shall be widely reproduced to demonstrate team cohesion.

52. During the pre-race medical checks, star riders of each team are strongly advised to play doctor with each other while shirtless. Photos taken must strive to be as HOMO-EROTIC AS POSSIBLE.

53. In order to avoid the harsh European winter, one shall:
i. Flee to the warmer climates of Mallorca/South Africa/Canary Islands/etc.
ii. ï¿½Train the mind, body and soulï¿½ with Kreitler-brand rollers

54. In the event of a crash, regardless of the gravity of an injury the Euro Cyclist shall mummify himself in fishnet gauze. The act of gauzing oneself (in order to continue racing while injured) is looked upon with respect by other Euro Cyclists as a statement of commitment and of strength of character. One shall use white gauze to bandage injuries; however, world cup striped gauze and/or national colors may be used in addition to white in select circumstances.

55. No form of large or obtrusive tattoo shall be printed onto the skin anywhere on the body. Small, discreet tattoos of the Virgin Mary or Olympic rings (assuming one has participated in Olympic games) no larger than three (3) cm. by three cm. shall be considered tasteful if AND ONLY IF located out of sight while one wears regular kit.

56. If a riderï¿½s sponsors do not make quality parts, then the rider shall buy better parts and superimpose his sponsorï¿½s stickers over them (e.g. Quickstep's past rebranding of Time products as Specialized).

57. No rider shall wear any shorts with any type of hole showing skin below unless said hole and or opening was from a recent crash DURING that training session and/or race. Wearing ripped shorts is allowed ONLY while one is struggling to the finish and/or to the correct place to wait for the team car to take one out of the race.

58. When cresting the summit of a climb the Euro Cyclist will sit up, zip his jersey, and reach into his pocket for a snack while simultaneously looking back to see who will be accompanying him on the descent. Note that while coasting to allow another rider to catch up (in order to work together on the way down) is allowed, coasting in order to rest is FORBIDDEN.

59. The Euro Cyclist shall own a sizeable parrot and will ensure that he is seen walking around photo shoots with it perched either upon his casually outstretched index finger or upon his shoulder. Hair should be slicked back for maximal effect. The parrot should either be white or it should contain three (3) or more colors found within the World cup stripes. One must always smile when pictured with the parrot. The parrot should speak fluent Italian. In certain cases it is deemed advisable that the Euro Cyclist possess, in place of a parrot, SEVERAL young pumas.

60. The Euro Cyclist shall never ride deep carbon wheels with aluminum braking surfaces, with the exceptions of Mavic wheels and the Ghibli disc. Aluminum braking surfaces detract from the seamless transition of black carbon to black tire that makes the Euro cyclist look so devilish upon his race wheels. Deep carbon wheels shall have prominent decals upon them UNLESS they originate from Carbonsports in Germany.

61. When the Euro Cyclist wins a race or a grand tour he shall stylishly uncork the bottle of champagne and spray it around the podium. If the rider is ravenous, slightly overweight and German he shall place the opening of the champagne bottle close to his mouth and drink (heavily) with puffed out cheeks and a smile. If the rider is truly Euro he will take the ENTIRE bottle of champagne in his arms and parade about the finish area with it. Champagne bottles must be COMICALLY OVERSIZED. One should spray the podium girls. Especially if they are dressed in white.

62. At the finish of a Grand Tour the Euro cyclist shall celebrate by cycling around the finish area decked out in team kit and proper Euro casual footwear. If married, the Euro cyclist shall have his child in his arms. The toddler may rest upon his handlebars, or in the event that the Euro cyclist achieves a podium spot, accompany the rider onto the podium. The child should have its own victory salute that will be used in conjunction with that of his/her father. In some cases the child is permitted to wear an entirely-too-large team jersey. This rule shall be upheld by ALL riders save for Mario Cipollini, who would be unable to comply due to the sheer number of offspring he has fathered courting supermodels over the past two decades.

63. It is highly recommended that the Euro cyclist utilize any opportunity to humorously don equipment that failed during the demonstration of superior physical strength. This serves the dual purpose of mocking one's sponsor and, in addition, providing a public display of why said rider did not finish the race on the podium. Breaking equipment due to power output is generally the best way to finish a race outside of winning it. If no spectators are present, the Euro cyclist shall prominently wear the broken equipment during all post race interviews. If the Euro cyclist suffers more then two mechanical failures of similar nature in rapid succession, throwing a petulant tantrum is strongly suggested.

Sarria · Bicicletero Cronico Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 969

Parece la version boricua April Fools

1. Your training shall be based on the Cyclistï¿½s Training Bible and the use of a heart rate monitor on every ride. The overanalysis of training data is STRONGLY ENCOURAGED.

2. The Euro Cyclist shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear white spandex bibs (bibs, regardless of colour are BANNED). Shorts will extend approximately 3/3rds of the way down the upper leg. An exception will be made in the case of triathletes, for whom the shorts shall extend 1/8 to 1/6 of the way down the upper leg.

3. An even, pasty lack of tan is desired. Artificial tanning is BANNED. The tan shall reflect the level of training commitment.

4. The socks of the Euro Cyclist shall never extend further than one (1) inch past the shoe. All socks SHALL BE BLACK in colour with minimal logo placement. Athletic socks found at Wall Mart also work well.

5. Cycling shoes shall contain at least 80% black. Mountain bike shoes are preferable due to their comfort, style and versatility.

6. Glasses are to be worn under helmet straps at all times. Buy cheap glasses (with 100% UV protection, of course) ï¿½ no one will know the difference! (except for your wallet!!!) Remember, thrifty is nifty.

7. Helmets are to be worn when venturing outdoors AT ALL TIMES, and are key when wandering into gas stations to buy a powerbar and gatorade.

8. If you donï¿½t have enough kit to use clean kit every day, just wash your jersey and shorts out in the shower after your ride. Itï¿½s quick and easy!

9. Campy is too expensive and the internally routed cables donï¿½t allow you to tie various good luck charms to the cabling. It is highly recommended you use 105 or even Ultegra if youï¿½re a big spender and out there to race with the best.

10. Make sure that you have enough spacers and stem rise to prevent back pain. An upright position is more powerful. Also, carbon bars and stems help dampen vibration and keep your bike nice and light!

11. Try a sprint triathlon for fun and fitness! Why not ï¿½triï¿½ it out!!!!

12. Any sexual activity the morning before a race is frowned upon, sex after racing shall be done missionary with the lights off.

13. Cycling gloves shall be black, padded and long-fingered. Always wear gloves, just in case you fall. Theyï¿½ll protect against road rash. Blue and black gloves will match your U.S. Postal jersey and black shorts nicely for that ï¿½proï¿½ look all your friends will envy!

14. In the event that a motorist comes within 6 feet of your path, swerve wildly in response. This will communicate your resentment to the people riding your wheel as well as to the offending motorist.

15. Make sure your junk is well-adjusted at all times. Do this by moving it around visibly while you ride by people.

16. ABSOLUTELY NO FORM of razor shall come within six (6) feet of your face or legs, you donï¿½t want your friends to think youï¿½re a pussy or anything.

17. Compact gearing lets you spin an easy gear to save your legs, just like Lance! Keep your cadence high at all times!

18. Techno is for gays. Listen to Creed, Nickelback or Sheryl Crow while riding your stationary trainer.

19. Remember to lock your bike up with a kryptonite brand lock, even if youï¿½re going inside for only a minute or two. Bike thieves are everywhere! Locks can be conveniently stored on your bike using the supplied frame mounts.

20. When asked "how are you?" while riding you must explain your training plan down to its most minute detail. The person youï¿½re talking with wants to know all about it.

21. In order to avoid the harsh winter, you shall ride your stationary trainer in the basement while watching old (e.g. Lance-era) Tour de France tapes. Do this no more than once every two weeks in order to avoid overtraining.

22. Tats are rad!! Get one with some skulls and eagles and shit. Barbed wire tats show the other riders how bad ass you are.

23. If you crash and tear your black shorts while mountain biking, donï¿½t throw them away! Just wear them under your black tights for added padding!

24. Ensure your jersey fits loosely to ensure appropriate airflow (it keeps you cool!). If your favorite jersey is in the wash donï¿½t fret, just use an old baggy t-shirt tucked into your shorts.

25. Ensure you wear your heart rate monitor at all times, and wildly announce how youï¿½re down to 65 beats a minute when sitting in your office and the mail person drops by.

26. Be sure to stay hydrated! The euro cyclist will carry at least 2 litre sized bottles on every ride. Remember, thereï¿½s always space behind your seat for an extra 3 bottles!

27. Be sure to stay prepared for anything the road may throw at you. Bring at least 3 extra tubes along with several patch kits, an extra tire, foldable spokes, spare brake pads and shifting cables! Your friends will all love how you can save the day when somebody runs over a porcupine!

28. After a race it is important that everybody knows how tired you are. Leaning your bike up against a tree, the euro cyclist will then proceed to stumble around while gulping down recovery drink. Heavy panting with hands on knees and/or sitting down on the grass is strongly encouraged.

29. Running in addition to using elliptical machines twice a week is highly recommended to ensure you donï¿½t strain your cycling muscle groups.

30. Paint yellow stripes on your bike to show how trendy you are in supporting lance. Remember its better to show others you how much you care by wearing at least 3 livestrong bracelets at all times instead of making a donation!

31. Donï¿½t worry if your favorite saddle is worn out and black from 16 years of riding, thatï¿½s why you bought a black saddle to begin with!

32. Donï¿½t worry if your bar tape gets a little messy or torn up, and if it gets too bad you can just fix it up yourself with some duct tape.

33. Be sure to attack pointlessly on recovery rides with your friends or a group. Nobody will even try to question your strength if you show them you can go off the front 5 minutes into the ride or on a small climb. Panting is strongly endorsed on any form of climb.

34. If you crash your new carbon fibre bike, be sure to phone your local bike shop and ask if there is any chance that it will unravel during your next group ride. Complain about a lack of stiffness, and demand to know whether this is because of micro fractures in the carbon.

35. Never ride tubulars because tri-guy 69 on slowtwich forums says that they are hard to get on, and they could roll off the rim resulting in your immediate death and expensive repairs after trying endlessly to get discounts at the local shop for no reason whatsoever.

36. Never use deep wheels in crosswinds. Zipp 404's are far too deep to control when you're plummeting along at 32 km/hr. Combined with your extremely euro ability to swerve uncontrollably at the smallest crack in the road, youï¿½ll be able to out maneuver the whole pack on the next group ride.

37. Leave a big gap between your helmet and your glasses. Exposing your forehead more than normal cools off vital nerves, channeling lactic acid away from your calves. Wearing your helmet off the back of your head is also more aerodynamic.

38. Check out the new integrated TT helmet/hydration system. Use all of that empty space inside your aero lid to hold water and sports drinks. The camelback hose attaches to a chin strap and lets you effortlessly hydrate. Optional model uses two hoses, one on either side of the helmet to supply both water, and hammer gel. Alternate between both with the large red knob located on top of the helmet. Be careful not to crash when you take your hand off the aerobars.

39. Saddle bags are acceptable so long as they have ornate gold stitching and dangle precariously close to your rear wheel. Be sure to pack all the essentials described in rule 27.

40. ï¿½Cherveloï¿½ bikes are the best. A Soloist with K-force handlebars and Zipp 404 clinchers is your ideal choice for participating in both races and triathlons. Remember to keep the saddle in the tri position at all times, and attach uncut aerobars for optimal aerodynamics.

41. When riding at dusk, helmet mounted nightvision goggles are gaining popularity. Use the same technology perfected in Iraq and Afghanistan to prevent you from hitting potholes and killing small animals. Can be linked to the Garmin 705, and offers instant downloadable data with a usb stick. Rumor has it that new versions will offer a cadence-meter that shows up on your HUD ensuring that you will never dip below 120.

42. Only ergonomic handlebars over 46 mm in width are permitted. The dedicated hand positions ensure that one can focus on maintaining their supremely high cadence.

43. Saddles must be pointed downwards at a MINIMUM 30 degree angle to properly sustain the erection achieved from closely monitoring one's average cadence.

44. Race numbers will remain on one's bike while it's being transported via roof rack (or preferably trunk mounted rack). This will make it impossible for passing motorists to ignore the fact that you've just completed a sprint triathlon. The more digits in your number, the better. It is preferable to keep the race numbers on your bike for at least 4 training rides after said triathlon/race.

45. The rider will have a MINIMUM of 6 Powergels or GUs tucked under their leg grippers for instantaneous access to a semen-esque carbohydrate source.

46. Reusable gel flasks are preferred, and are best accessed via a dedicated belt retention system.

47. Remember, safety is your primary objective. In order to be proactive and defensive, one shall permanently mount a small circular rear-facing mirror on the left side of his helmet visor. This mirror shall extend NO LESS than 6 inches to the outside of one's helmet.

48. Bar mounted mirrors that clip on to your drops are highly recommended if you are going to be riding in high traffic areas (which you are, because your intense training regiment requires you to ride everywhere!). These mirrors will be mounted on both sides, NO EXCEPTIONS!

49. When on a group ride, be sure to always half wheel the guy beside you. This ensures that they know who's faster at all times.

50. The euro cyclist should not drink coffee of any form but get their caffeine from red bull and monster energy drinks, its cooler this way, and everybody knows how intense you are in your energy needs.

51. The beers of choice for the euro cyclist are busch, pabst blue ribbon, bud light, miller high life.